The Ubiquitous "About Me" Information:
The Formalities: I hold a Liberal Arts BA, Magna Cum Laude, from John F. Kennedy University and have over 20 years of experience in the business world; I also owned a small retail/wholesale business for 7 years, which just closed this Jan of '09. I am a clinically trained herbalist and have a background in dream work, various alternative healing modalities, as well as mysticism, shamanic healing, meditation, trance work and ritual. I live amongst the Redwoods of Northern California with my loving husband and two daughters (and an awesome dog-friend).
The Fire Within: Where I come from may be interesting (best told fireside, with some wine and chocolate), but who I am becoming is what fills me with a passion, finally, for being here.
Because of events I experienced as a young girl, I have grown up with an unshakeable faith that we are spiritual beings having a human experience -- and that this is merely one of many, many lives. This at turns tortured and sustained me through years of existential blues.
I spent years trying to numb this awareness, then even more trying to prove it to myself and others, then, finally… I am reveling in it. I am a devoted wife and mother, a sister, a friend and comrade, a reverent Fool of the Mysteries that hopes to help others ignite their inner fire, to embrace and know that this very human world is a profound gift to be cherished and used for all it’s worth. That, and that Death is only a pit stop on the road of Consciousness.
My Writing: I am currently working on a novel, THE SOUL’S BELOVED, which chronicles the challenges of being human for a certain, somewhat irascible, soul. The characters in this story, each in their own way, struggle with what they are willing to do in order to experience life in it's fullness, to embrace the truth -- and the Universal Law -- of Love. They struggle with their own sense of being, and what sets them afire. And yes, it is in part based on events from my own life.
I also write short stories and memoir-based fodder, and hope to try my pen at magazine articles and who knows what else. Dream big or go home, I always say. Thanks for stopping by!
What's In A Name?
The title for this blog comes from one of my favorite books, The Unbearable Lightness of Being. This book in essence was a study of the 'unbearable lightness' of the human life. I wish I could write some snappy little ditty here, without any intense existential navel-gazing. But the Writing Gods won’t be ignored, so here comes a long-winded explanation about the name of my blog…this is best read after a glass of red wine (or two or three) and some dark chocolate. Just in case you were wondering.
From wikipedia, a great synopsis about Kundera’s book:
The book centers on the idea that existence is full of unbearable lightness, because each of us has only one life to live: Einmal ist keinmal (once is nonce: "what happened once might never have happened at all"). Therefore, each life is, ultimately, insignificant; every decision, ultimately, does not matter. Since decisions do not matter, they are light, they don't make us suffer: they do not bind, yet simultaneously, the insignificance of our decisions — our lives, our being — is unbearably light, hence, the unbearable lightness of being.
I loved Kundera's book not for it's characters (hardly likable, in actuality) - I loved this book because I do not agree with the above premise. And yet I adore how the author explored and expressed it.
I don't agree because in my world, nothing is insignificant. Every blossom inspires awe, every moment an opportunity to come alive, to discover the truth of why we exist. Here on Earth, we are unbearably heavy from the suffering and joy of reality and its lessons.
And I don’t agree because ever since I was a small child I have believed – because of uncommon connections with strangers, because of dreamtime visits and whispers in the woods - that we return many lives over to learn what only the grace of being human can teach us. Life, like a stack of Russian dolls, is a magical chrysalis that we constantly fumble our way out of again and again.
The Creator's (respectfully insert your chosen title here, mine is Goddess) gift to us, reincarnation, is a constant chance to get it right. This is how we are tempered and thrust forward in evolution. This is how we are measured and know our worth, not only as individuals but also as a part of the collective consciousness of all beings. (Another swig of wine may be good here.)
In my mind, there are two absolutes in this world: no one escapes the laws of Love and Death.
But it is all the ways that we desperately attempt to that conjures up the Fates and gives life meaning. We can hide behind any mask we find; but from up on high, looking down upon our world we are all angels and devils, pawns and players. Drafted into the game again and again, until we have mastered our Selves. In this endless dance of reincarnation we are given the privilege to attempt, time after time, to 'get it right'. That fascinates me.
Every moment counts, every heartbeat matters, adding feather after feather, pearl and stone to the scales over and over. Therefore, life – Being - carries a weight of the ages with it. It is after death when we rest in the halls of Heaven (in my book, The Soul's Beloved, I call this place the Other World) that we experience the lightness of Being. The more we live, the more we release.
For every time we die, we break a chain, we release a feather, we throw a stone, we leave a kiss. We are slightly lighter than before the life just realized. We stretch our awareness farther, deeper, towards the horizon of consciousness. The corporeal world becomes less and less our anchor, and the Other World is revealed to be more and more our true homeland.
That is the core of what I want to write about - because I simply can't keep it all in my head, it needs a release somewhere because it makes my heart so damn heavy. In all its mutations, in all it's pathos and folly, with all the appraisals and awe of human existence, each and every moment counting as something and adding to the priceless weight of collective lifetimes... the attempt to live for me is awesome, gorgeous, overwhelming – unbearable in it’s raging beauty.
Hence, the name of my blog.(edited because I inadvertently put the wrong title on this post. Barg!)
Wow. That was quite a first post! I'm definitely sticking around. :)
I loved The Unbearable Lightness of Being, too. All of Kundera's works. And you're right--it's never his characters that I'm enraptured with. They're somewhat skeletal, really. It's the fluidity and playfulness of his thoughts that draws me in. He is brilliant, but doesn't take himself too seriously. I'm already getting the impression that you share this duality.
I really liked your explanation of our reaching toward that lighter world. I must not be ready yet, because for all the suffering and pathos of this one, I love the swings of the pendulum and the fight to grab hold of that beauty. I'm glad you do, too. :)
(Will link to you. Duh. ;))